To say that trying to have a child has taken 3 out of my 35 years, mathematically anyway, is not that impressive. I went to college for 5, have had my car for 7, been married for 4, been at my current job for 8, been playing World of Warcraft for 3, owned my (main) TV for over 10 years easy. Hell I worked at CompUSA for 2 years. Still I find it difficult to comprehend a life right now without this worry (replaced by a whole new set of worries, granted).

I was going to say that only in retrospect do you realize how completely something like this takes over your life, but that's not true. You are aware, painfully most of the time. Struggling to have a child colors nearly everything you encounter. Billboards, television and radio ads, people at work, people at a store, news of almost any kind, websites you frequent, WalMart, the mail, your neighbors, family and relatives, holidays, the guy you sort of knew in college 12 years ago. We as a society cannot shut the fuck up about our children.

But now it's all about the numbers. On Wednesday it was 116, today 221. It should raise by 60-100% every two days, so everything is good so far. On Monday we get another number, which will hopefully be somewhere north of 500. After that we will begin counting by weeks, first with more weekly, raising numbers, and then presumably counting down by weeks to sometime in October.

I was born in February. Jenn and I were married in October. I'm starting to think about things like this a lot more all of the sudden.

It's too early to consider this an inevitability of course; 3 years and thousands of dollars have merely gotten us to the point where most can find themselves after a few months of trying (or perhaps a forgotten birth control pill), with something like a 75% chance to carry to term. Again with the numbers. But here is where I must lock my inner science/math geek away; it is impossible for me to believe that we should have gone through what we have these past three years, to now come so close to success, only to have it stolen from us. And now that my beer is nearly finished, I find myself wanting to go join my wife and child in bed.